Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler (born August 18, 1952) is an American comedian and advocate for animal rescue.

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I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'

Tags: Computers, Peace, History

Elayne Boosler

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Tags: Long, Matter, Door

Elayne Boosler

I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.

Tags: Live, Without, Able

Elayne Boosler

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

Tags: Wrong, Tell, Married

Elayne Boosler

When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

Tags: Sun, Again, Morals

Elayne Boosler

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

Tags: Ever, Away, Party

Elayne Boosler

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

Tags: Good, Jesus, Against

Elayne Boosler

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

Tags: Leadership, Leader, Few

Elayne Boosler

I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.

Tags: Good, Hard, Matter

Elayne Boosler